Feeling Forgotten
by deanandthemoose
Summary: Stuck in the memories of her childhood best friend, Bella must either move on or cling to the hope of seeing him again. This would never had happened if she hadn't let their friendship mature into more complex feelings. But how could she forget when she sees him in everything around her and everything she does?
1. Epilogue

**A****/****N****: ****Hey ****guys****. ****I****'****m ****back ****with ****a ****new ****story****. ****It ****might ****delay ****my ****other ****stories ****a ****bit****, ****but ****it****'****ll ****be ****worth ****it****. ****I ****promise****. ****Or ****at ****least ****hope****. ****I ****can****'****t ****promise ****regular ****updates****, ****though****, ****because ****my ****inspiration ****comes ****randomly ****from ****something ****around ****me ****or ****something ****I ****feel****. ****Writers ****block ****comes ****often****, ****so ****bear ****with ****me****. ****Review****? **

**Epilogue**

I rolled over in bed, again. My sheets were horribly twisted and mangled. I could feel my comforter on my ankle and the sheets on my foot. I hardly slept. I was having those nightmares, again. It was still dark, so I closed my eyes and attempted sleep, again. It was almost instantly that the dreamy images flashed in front of me. I could hear the far away voice that I missed so much.

It was very similar to watching a blurry video. I saw _him_, his dark hair carelessly styled, his brown eyes, his perfect smile. In his arms was a girl. She had long, dark brunette hair, slightly wavy. Her skin was paler than his. She was slim, wearing light denim jeans and a brown tank. He was wearing a charcoal T-shirt and dark denim jeans. They laughed and talked. All the while they were smiling at each other. As they leaned in to kiss each other, the image shook and I felt his warm lips against mine, soft and smooth. They moved in a rhythm against my own that made me forget to breathe. We broke and I saw his amazing features inches from mine for only a second. Then I was again watching the video, not a part of it, only a viewer.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and hit my pillow. I hated those dreams. It's not that they scared me or anything, it was just upsetting to be reminded of him. Upsetting to know that I could only be with him in a dream.

Thing is, I should be happy to be able to see him somewhere. I would be if he had only been my best friend, but he was so much more... It was my fault. I had let my feelings for him mature into something more as we got older. We hadn't grown apart, no, it was more like torn apart. Allow me to give you a little background.

When he was ten and I was nine, he moved to Los Angeles. I had been heartbroken about it until he called me up, telling me he was coming for the weekend. We had managed to stay very close, his family coming to town often and me going to spend the night with my aunt in order to see him. At the age of 13, he said I wasn't going to see him much anymore. He promised me we would still be best friends, and we were, for about one more year.

For two years he never called or visited. My aunt had moved to a more northern part of California, so I couldn't go and visit him. The third year I was shocked to find out he had been reported missing. His parents had called to ask if had come to his home town. We told them we hadn't seen him. They didn't call again, and haven't for almost two years.

Tears rolled down my cheeks just thinking about it. I finally sat up and pulled the sheets back revealing my less-than-perfect sleepwear. I walked to the bathroom I shared with the twins. It was a jack-and-jill set up, with one door to my room and one going to the twins' room. After using the restroom, I went into the twins' room to wake them up. It was Sunday, so it was my job to get the twins up and ready for breakfast, which basically meant giving them something to wear, since last time they dressed themselves they wore each other's clothes. It might have been okay if they weren't boy and girl.

I went over to Thomas' and Tawny's closet and opened the folding doors. The left side was mostly pastel pinks and purples. On the right side, separated by a floor to ceiling white shelving unit, was painted in blue and green hues. I looked at Thomas' side. I immediately grabbed his favorite blue overalls and a grey shirt with narrow dark brown stripes on it. I then went over and set them on the end of Thomas' top bunk of the twins' bunk bed. I did the same with the light pink shirt, grey ruffled skirt, and lime striped grey leggings I picked out for Tawny.

Turning to Tawny, who was sleeping like a baby. She is always easier to wake up that Thomas, so I usually get her up and at 'em first. I shook her softly at first, but then resorted to poking.

"Taw-ny. Taaw-ny." I said in a high pitched voice. Eventually, she took in a deep breath and yawned. "Get up, girl. You gotta day ahead of ya." I said to her. She smiled and opened her eyes.

"Bella!" she said in her sweet little girl voice. She wrapped her arms around my neck for a second and pulled back her covers. Her icy eyes, the same shade as mine, twinkled when she looked at me. Smiling, I got out of her way as she ran to the bathroom giggling, her brown pigtails bouncing. Seven year old Tawny always made me smile. I turned back to the bunk bed to find Thomas already rubbing his eyes.

"Tommy! What woke you up?" I asked. I knew it had to be Tawny's squeals of laughter, but it never hurt to ask.

"Tahny." he said sleepily, reaching his arms out. I lifted him up and onto the carpeted floor where he ran into the bathroom too. Their morning fully in motion, I walked back into my room. I never really got dressed before breakfast, so I just pulled on an over-sized grey pull over. Joining the twins in the bathroom, I found Tawny brushing her hair and Thomas on his wood stool, brushing his teeth. I took my brush to my room to have my own mirror.

After fighting with my hair to get all the tangles out, I stalked down the stairs and turned a corner, making my way to the kitchen. I opened the blinds in the breakfast area only to see a dark, cloudy sky. _Win some, lose some._ I thought dismissively.

Cooking breakfast was not my favorite activity, but we had a 'house rule' that whoever got up first made breakfast for the twins. I took down a mixing bowl, a skillet, and a big fork. I then collected the eggs, butter, bacon, and strawberry jelly from the fridge. I set it all out and got to work. I set the pan on the stove and put some butter in it, twisting the knob on the stove to 'medium'. I got the mixing bowl and cracked six eggs into it.

Picking up the fork, I scrambled the eggs and added pepper and a dash of salt. I poured the eggs into the now hot pan and cranked up the heat. I took a spatula from the drawer beside the stove and pushed the eggs around. They cooked fast, taking shape as I pushed them around the pan. Once they were done, I set a lid on the pan and put it on another eye of the stove. I got out another pan and set it on the already hot eye. I let the pan heat as I opened the bacon. I cut the top of the plastic package with scissors and peeled it open. I took the bacon from the packaging and set it in the pan, where it hit the pan's surface with a sizzle. I put in six more pieces and flipped them.

"I'll beat you to the kitchen!" said Tawny.

"Nuh-uh!" yelled Thomas. I then heard them race down the steps and through the living room. They turned the corner at the same time, coming around the bar to plow into my legs. "I win!" gloated Thomas.

"No, I won!" shouted Tawny. They then looked up at me.

"Bella!" the said at the same time. I looked down at them. They still had their arms around my legs.

"Okay, okay. Calm down, you two! You're going to wake Mom and Dad up." I said. "Now, what is the big ordeal?" I asked more quietly. They both shouted at me at the same time. I held up a finger and they quieted down. "You." I said, pointing to Thomas.

"Tawny and me were racing an' I beat her but she said she won an' she's wrong! Tell her she's not right!" he talked quickly. It was a good thing I was used to it, or I

wouldn't of understood a word he said.

"Actually," I said, "you two came around the corner at the _same time._ You both win." I pried them from my legs and turned back to the bacon. I flipped it and set it aside. I turned the knob back to 'off'. "Now, you two should go sit down if ya know what's good for ya!" I said jokingly. They turned and ran giggling to the table, where they climbed into the chairs. I got out three paper plates and three forks. I went and set the table where they sat. I turned and got the pans and brought them to the table.

"Who wants eggs?" I asked. They both raised their hands, and I gave them both approximately two eggs. I then helped my plate to the same. "Bacon?" Their hands shot up again. I gave them both some bacon, and then me some.

"Juice?" Tawny asked.

"Oh shoot!" I said, walking back to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and got the orange juice out. I set it on the counter and turned to the cabinet. Opening it, I took down two glasses. Suddenly, I was reminded of when _he_ opened this _same_ cabinet only to have every glass come crashing down. Luckily, he had moved out of the way in time. I can't tell you how much I teased him about it after the fact.

"Bella!" I heard my name, then the shatter of glass on the tile floor. My foot snapped back, but the glass had already broken, my foot unharmed. I felt my dad push me away from the broken glass on the floor. Still, I never turned to him, even when I heard his voice. I just gazed emptily ahead, caught up in the memory. "Bella, honey, what happened?" I didn't answer. "Are you okay?" he sounded worried.

That instant, my head snapped up to look at him. My body relaxed, and I moved away more from the hazard on the floor. "I... uh... I'm fine, I just dropped the glass. My bad." I turned and walked to the corner to get the broom, but Dad stopped me.

"I'll get it, Bells, just.. go eat." I did just that, but I didn't taste the food. Memories of _him_ effected me so much. I was so convinced I was going insane. But I never would tell my parents how much I missed him, liked him, or how much I hurt having dreams about him. They thought I had forgotten about him, but they were so wrong.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey, I was writing and I realized that it was all really Bella missing Jacob, and I just thought I'd reassure that it gets better. I promise. Okay, well, read on!**

**Chapter 2**

My closet door creaked as I opened it. I felt my lips twitch in a smile at my disorganized closet. It was always a quirk of mine to have a messy closet. The only twist was I knew where everything was when it was like this. Whenever my friend Alice tried to clean it up - calling it a "crime against good clothes" - I was totally lost. In time it became disorganized again, but the more she cleaned it, the less messy I was able to get it, so I guess she was making an improvement.

I pulled out some old grey sweats and a blue tank top. I then sauntered into the bathroom. That door creaked too. The only reason I didn't get dressed with the twins before breakfast is that I liked the bathroom to myself. I turned the shower on and gave it a minute to heat up. After testing the water, I got in. I felt all my muscles relax as the warm water hit them. It was great not to be so tense, even if it was just for a few minutes.

After my shower, I got dressed and pulled my hair up. Just as I was about to leave my room, I heard something tap against my window. I turned toward the sound curiously, and I heard it again. What? I was on the _second_ floor. I sat listening intently, waiting for it to come again. It was irritatingly silent, so I ignored it and left my room. I thunked down the steps and came upon my mom, Renee, sitting on the couch, writing on a piece of paper. It was entitled "GROCERY".

"Hey Mom." I said, walking over and sitting next to her.

"Hey honey." she looked up at me and then back at her paper. "Anything you need from the store?" she asked. She knew I'd want to stay home, as I usually did when the family went grocery shopping.

"Uh... I need shampoo, and I used the rest of the eggs this morning." I said.

"Okay, hun." I turned to get up, but she stopped me, a soft grip on my shoulder. I turned back to her.

"Uh.. Mom?" I shrugged her hand off. She had a concerned look on her face.

"Bella, it's just... Your father told me you dropped another glass today. These accidents have been happening alot lately, and I'm just worried. Are you okay?" she inquired.

"I'm... Perfectly fine." I stumbled over the words because I wasn't. I was freaking out. I was hurt. Messed up. Lost. Insane.

"Well.. I made you an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow after school. I want you to go." she said quickly.

"Mom!" I said, hurt. I stood up fast and looked at her in bewilderment. "I don't need a psychiatrist! I'm fine." I said the last two words a bit too firmly, which just spurred my mom on.

"You need to go." she said tenderly. "It won't take long, and I promise I'll be there the whole time. I need to know you're okay." she stood up and tucked my hair behind my ear. It was clear this was one of those arguments I couldn't win with my mom.

"Yeah, okay." With that, I left the room and stalked into the kitchen. That's where I stumbled upon the turncoat of the day, my dad. "So you told Mom." I said flatly, not looking at him as I opened the fridge.

"Sorry. I didn't know she'd go crazy with it." he apologized. I took a water from the fridge and closed the door.

"Yeah, well, she did. And now I have to go to the loony bin to have someone tell me how imperfect I am." Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him roll his.

"She always knows how to worry." he admitted gruffly. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"That's an understatement." I told him. I wasn't worried about the appointment. The psychiatrists can only tell you you're crazy based on what you tell them. No one said I had to say anything about how insane I am. I'd only tell the one person I knew I'd never be able to. The person who causes the insanity. Jacob. Instantly I felt choked up. Feeling hurt, and confused, and sad, and crazy were the only reminders that my love for him is scaringly real. Just his name evoked my emotions, and, realizing this was a dangerous situation, I fled from the kitchen to my room. I slammed the door and turned to sit frustrated on my bed. I let my head fall into my hands' support. Support. I needed it. Encouragement that I'd see him again. That I'd be able to tell him about my problems.

It was about twenty minutes later when Mom knocked on my door and peeked her head in.

"We're leaving for the store." she said. "We'll be back in about an hour and a half or so."

"Okay. Bye." My voice was very bored sounding, but I was okay with that. At least it didn't sound choked. My mom went through the usual warnings of don't answer the door to a stranger, don't tell anyone you're home alone, and that she's just a phone call away. Like I needed to be reminded of all those things, but it was just what she'd always told me when she left me alone. Finally they left, and as I heard the car pull away, I reached for my iPod on my nightstand. Popping the earbuds in, I turned it to a favorite song.

I couldn't tell you when I fell asleep even if I wanted to. Somehow I made the transition from hearing every lyric of a song to dreamy, faded images. All of _him_. This dream was not a particular favorite. My mind registered the thin woods outside his old house. I could feel the soft moss under my shoes as I walked ahead, looking for something. Thing is, I didn't know what that 'something' was until I saw it. Jacob, far away from where I was standing. I started running toward him, sprinting at first, then running at top speed. I felt sweat starting to bead on my forehead when I realized I wasn't getting any closer.

"Jake! Jacob!" I yelled, but he never acknowledged me. "Hey, wait up!" I called loudly. He then began to run away. My heart was breaking at the thought of him running from me, yet I still tried to catch him. I pumped my legs harder, forced myself to go faster, but I never caught up. I tripped, as expected, and fell to the wet forest floor. I then woke up, and with a start, I realized I was on the wood floor of my bedroom, which was cold as heck.

I grumbled and got up. I turned around to get back in bed, when I heard another one of those taps on my window. Irritated instead if scared, I went straight to the window and yanked it open. I saw only the lawn and the grey skies. "Crap." I breathed. I was seriously starting to lose my mind. Maybe seeing the psychiatrist wasn't a bad idea after all. _Oh, listen to yourself, Bella._ I thought harshly at myself. _You're really considering a loony bin!_

God, I am so messed up.


End file.
